A birthday Surprise
by sez101
Summary: Teal'c goes shopping for a birthday present for Sam. Hopefully funny.


"Hey Teal'c if your free Saturday I thought we could go off base for Sam's birthday have some drinks and a meal at O'Malley's?" Daniel asked causally.

"Birthday?" Teal'c questioned confused.

"A Tau'ri holiday in which we celebrate the day in which they were born, normally by giving gifts and having a social meet up with friends did the Jaffa not have anything similar?" Daniel asked never missing an opportunity to delve into Jaffa culture.

"We celebrated our false God regularly but the life of an individual Jaffa is not highly valued" Teal'c revealed as they took their seats in the cafeteria. Daniel nodded.

"What is an acceptable gift?"

"Don't ask Sam what she wants the best gifts are a surprise, I'm getting her a book on the use of Astrophysics in Ancient Mayan cultures. Why don't you get her toiletries?" Daniel suggested.

Teal'c raised an eyebrow, he was unaware Captain Carter struggled to locate the facilities. If she was struggling this wasn't a problem that could wait until Saturday.

Finishing his meal he sought Captain Carter. He found her working in her lab.

"Hey Teal'c" Sam greeted,

"Captain Carter are you having difficulty locating the toilet?" Teal'c asked worriedly, he had done a scout of the available locations on the walk down, although less than males there did appear to sufficient numbers.

Sam who had just taken a sip of water spat it out. "What?" She questioned "Why? Where? What?" she asked as she wondered where that had come from.

"Do you have trouble locating the toilet?" Teal'c repeated wondering if she was ok,

"No" Sam denied still struggling with the discussion "Why?"

Teal'c tilted his head concerned Captain Carter was only using words with one syllable. She was also covered in water he could only conclude she didn't like it much having spat it out.

"It does not matter" Teal'c informed her walking out of the room.

"Dr Frasier I need your assistance in acquiring a birthday gift for Captain Carter?" he asked. Janet nodded indicating him to follow her to her desk shutting the door.

"I have got her this really cute top, why don't you get her a bottle of wine something to help her relax?" Teal'c nodded it was a good suggestion.

After speaking with General Hammond and receiving permission to go off base he acquired an airman and a motorised vehicle. The drove to what Airman Grears assured him was a reputable wine shop. Teal'c entered inside a man was shouting and being abusive. Teal'c never afraid to render assistance saw him out.

"Too much alcohol" the shop keeper remarked. Teal'c eyebrow shot up. If that was the effect of too much alcohol then he wasn't going to harm his friend by buying her more. Not when her speech was impaired already. He remembered her spitting out the water it was clear that wouldn't do either but she did once express a fondness for warm bovine lactose maybe she would appreciate that for her birthday. He turned to the young Airman an idea forming in his mind.

It was the big day. They had assembled in Sam's office to exchange presents. Jack had got her beer, Daniel a book, Janet a t-shirt with a heart on the front, Cassie had painted a picture that was already hanging on the wall proudly.

Hearing strange noises from the corridor Daniel who was the nearest stuck his head out. He blinked, rubbed his eyes before glaring suspiciously at his coffee cup.

"Whaaaa?" he managed to get out as the noise came nearer. Janet leaned over to get a view of the corridor. On seeing what was coming she fell out of her chair ending up on the floor. Laughing Sam helped her up as she came into view of the corridor she dropped her friend. Teal'c entered the lab, behind him a rather large cow behind that cow was another but black.

"I wish you happy birthday" Teal'c said handed the leash, Sam accepted it to shocked to do anything else

"Teal'c what's with the cow?" Jack asked.

"It's a gift for Captain Carter's birthday." Teal'c said

"Thanks Teal'c" Sam said "It's very unusual" She said trying to be diplomatic.

"I suggested toiletries" Daniel choked out somewhere between laughing, crying and pure disbelief that resulted in a purple colour filling his face.

"Captain Carter believes the toilet situation is adequate on base" Teal'c responded. Sam nodded that conversation making more sense although not a lot more

"So you brought a cow?" Jack questioned unsure of the link.

"Dr Frasier recommended it" Teal'c informed them. Simultaneously they all glared at Janet.

"Wine I suggested a bottle of wine" She protested.

"I am aware of the detrimental effects of alcohol, Captain Carter already seemed verbally challenged and she did not appear to enjoy water" Teal'c recalled.

"He asked if I could find the toilet, as I was drinking" Sam tried to defend.

"So how did we get to cows?" Jack asked wondering if he was the only one missing the connection

"Captain Carter told me warm bovine lactose helped her to sleep. Dr Frasier informs her and Doctor Jackson do not rest enough"

"But cows?"

"They are herd animals O'Neill they prefer to be together" Teal'c reliably told him.

"Thanks Teal'c" Sam repeated again,

"Do they have names?" Cassie asked,

"Indeed, Daisy and Molly"

"I like them" Cassie decided

"How did you get them on base" Jack questioned wondering if this madness was a dream

"Do not fear O'Neill I followed protocol" Teal'c showed them the visitor's passes. Sam nodded totally lost she now owned 2 cows.

"I'm glad I was scared" Jack responded sarcastically.

"I once asked my dad for a pony" Sam muttered "Now I get cows that's karma"

"Indeed, a brave warrior has many horses and cows. You are a true warrior Captain Carter" Teal'c agreed.

"What in God's name…" Hammond's voice bellowed from down the corridor as he struggled to get past Daisy

"It's Carters birthday Sir" Jack supplied helpfully. "Teal'c thoughtfully decided as Carter liked warm milk he would get her a fresh supplier" he watched as Hammonds face went a unusual colour

"What are they doing on my base?"

"They have visitor passes" Jack added.

"Happy birthday Captain we have grass above the base they can live there until a suitable farm become available, Colonel perhaps you would like to review protocol regard live animals on base?" Hammond suggested. Jack's face fell only lighting up as Sam fought to get the cows to move.

"Teal'c can you help me please" she begged. Teal'c took the leash

"Come" he ordered to Daisy she mooed but obediently followed him back to the lifts surprisingly both cows fitted in with Sam, Cassie and Teal'c. Although Sam did spend the whole time praying that the lift didn't break down.

Meanwhile in her lab Hammond begged Daniel to supervise all future birthday gifts brought by Teal'c.

2 weeks later Sam found a home on P79 X3T. A farming community whose livestock had been desecrated by famine who had been slowly starving. The SGC helped them build irrigation so the fields grew better crops and Sam donated her 2 cows to supplement there herd. The only condition was they weren't allowed to kill them. It was a happy end for all involved.


End file.
